I start this blog 2 weeks into my first semester as a graduate student.
My degree program is: Master of Arts - Christian Studies.
The degree is through: Crown College, Saint Bonifacius, MN.
Career goal, with this degree: Re-enter vocational ministry on a Full Time basis, rather than a part time/volunteer basis.
This is being done, while just getting through a rough time for my family, where my oldest son had surgery to remove a brain tumor.
I must be crazy to be starting graduate school now, but we'll see how it goes!
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The magic of blogs!
ReplyDeleteI can always restart! Not that there was all the much to start with. There was a couple of posts, but not enough to really go on. So, now I will start over, with a retrospective look at the past.
My biggest question in life right now, is it that brings some people closer to Christ through trial and tribulation, while others are driven away?
I look back over my life, and can see times where tragedy has made me ask a lot of questions. Sometimes people asked me questions about "why would God"....
Wow, they want me to speak for God? Ummm.... Not my position... I won't do that accusatively, but I will do that inquisitively, and if I am to know, or if I can possibly get a glimpse of Christ through it all, sometimes I can answer.
Even with some answers I get to my own questions to my own introspections are brutally honest. I don't like brutal honesty most of the time, especially when I and/or my family and friends are the target.
The most important thing I have learned over the past couple of years is making the differentiation on the question of "WHY?"
I started to realize the question of "Why me?" is very selfish and assuming. It assumes a very low theology and an unintended high view of humanism/humanology.
Ouch...
Rather, being able to ask "Why not me?", or just simply and more accurately "Why?" has been a painful but very rewarding transition!
More, later!
Last week was not an easy week for me in class.
ReplyDeleteNone of the program has been "easy", per se. However, last week's topic in class was the Doctrine of Divine Healing!
This is something we have prayed for with Jamie.
As of now, God has only provided through medicine, nothing instanteous, miraculous.
Now that I have restarted this blog, let me set the plot, and go back to the start of school and our battle with Jamie's tumor.
Ever since I was a kid, I have known that there is a call on my life from God.
ReplyDeleteThis became much more profound, after I had a personal and intimate encounter with Christ, in high school.
Just like everyone else, there is nothing special about my struggles, we all have them in one way or another, as the spiritual battle for our souls is life long, no matter where we are at on the journey.
I am not going to go into the nitty gritty details at this point, on everything, because that could give too much credit on the enemy, and not focus on Christ himself, who works ALL things together for good, to those who love Him!
Let me start by leading up to February 2007, when the current battle really took a new direction!
In January 1992, I transferred from Northwest Missouri State University, to North Central Bible College. Continuing to sense a call to ministry, and talking with the pastor of the church I was attending in Maryville, I made the decision to move from Northwest to North Central.
In May 1994, my wife and I (not yet married) graduated from what is now North Central University, in Minneapolis, with Associate of Arts Degrees.
I was in the midst of a Bachelor of Christian Studies degree which would have been about 30 hours of Behavioral Science credit, and about 30 credit hours of Pastoral Studies degree.
I was struggling academically, and just barely passing my classes, especially the theology ones.
Growing up Catholic, starting to go to a Christian and Missionary Alliance Church in High School, taking part in a campus ministry that was an Independent Church of Christ, and only a short exposure to the Assemblies of God churches was a very wide range, and I was all over the place... and didn't have any solid doctrinal basis.
In July 1994 Kristi and I got married and moved to Saint Cloud, MN. We both enrolled in Saint Cloud State University. While we were there, we had our first son. Jamie Aaron, on August 29, 1995.
I finished my Bachelor degree in 1996, Recreation Administration, which is what I started at Northwest Missouri State. I figured that this would compliment my Bible College background in that it would help with running camps, ministry and even jobs in the recreation field, which is a passion of mine, because I just LOVE participating in sports, games and activities with people.
I applied for more jobs than I can count in the the recreation field, and it became clear that this field was a closed door for me. This has been a wilderness experience for the past 14 years.
I have worked as a Manager for Blockbuster Video, Domino's Pizza and been a Financial Fraud Investigator for Citibank, Car Salesman, Security Officer for businesses and Hospitals and now a licensed insurance agent. This has all been where I have worked in addition to part time and volunteer ministry positions, and being on a church planting team for the past several years.
Now, enter in February 2007.
ReplyDeleteI was miserable in my job as a car salesman. It was NOT for me. I knew that the call of God was still on my life, and being a part of a church planting team, was building my desire to serve.
I applied for accreditation with the Christian and Missionary Alliance, and was invited to the district office for an interview in February 2007.
First battle that day... nerves!
Second battle that day... leaving home at 5am, -25 degrees (below zero)
Third battle that day... nerves...
Fourth battle that day... answering questions in front of a panel of 5 professors and pastors, leaders of the district!
I was sure I had blown it. Figured I would have no chance of approval. However, I passed the oral interview. I was told that this was impressive, because there are times when people who graduate from the college, interview, but don't pass on the first try. Here I was though, 14 years since graduation from Bible College, and not even a Christian and Missionary Alliance college, and passing...
This is when the storms really started to fight. I lost my job at the car dealership. I had to find another job. Only a couple short weeks later I ended up in the hospital with a very bad skin infection.
I also got a letter from the district office stating that my transcripts from previous colleges came in, and I had only 24 credit hours of Bible and Theology, so although I had passed the oral accreditation interview, I was not eligible for placement, because I needed 30 credit hours of Bible and Theology.
I looked into enrolling in Crown College, just to take a couple of classes, to complete the 6 credit hours in Fall 2007. Kristi ended up in the hospital and had a surgery that summer. I didn't enroll in school at that time. I didn't intend on completing another Bachelor's Degree, and I did not have any interest in a Master's, knowing that I had such a hard time with the undergraduate classes, so long ago at North Central. So, I wasn't able to apply for financial aid. I wasn't going to lie, and enroll in a degree, with no intention of finishing! So, we tried to save up, but that just didn't happen!
I stayed in contact with Crown, and the admissions department encouraged me to enroll in the Master's Degree. I thought they were INSANE!!! I asked them point blank... "You are looking at MY undergraduate transcripts, RIGHT? You think I should enroll in the GRADUATE school??? Are you serious?"
I was told that since I had passed the accreditation interview, and after reviewing my entrance/application essays for the school, that they'd suggest the Master's Degree.
I agreed, still thinking that they were crazy. This was 2008, now. Right after agreeing to enroll, and being ready to start my first class in Oct 2008, Jamie, our 13 year old son comes to us, and complains about having a headache and impaired vision.
Initially, we don't think much of it. Sounds cold, but a just a week or so prior, I was at the hospital, in the ER with a headache so bad, I couldn't walk in on my own. They couldn't find anything wrong, and we figured what ever bug I had, was what is causing his headache and vision problems.
It didn't go away, though.
We took him to our family eye doctor for an exam since he was still having vision problems. We figured that it is common for people who need glasses, to get headaches...
ReplyDeleteReasonable step, right? Yes. It was.
However, his appointment with the family eye doctor was immediately (same day, a couple hours later) referred to an Opthamologist.
That appointment was immediately (once again, same day, couple hours later) referred to a neuorologist.
That appointment was immediately (walk down the hall, and "do not pass go, do not collect $200) referred to an MRI/CT scan.
That was completed, and we were told that we'd have a report of the MRI overnight, and we'd here from them the next day.
Little did we know, that the whirlwind was just beginning.
ReplyDeleteThe next day, my wife calls me at work.
She had just gotten a call from the neurologist,
"Don't panic. But, we have an appointment set for you, tomorrow morning at 10:30 am, for a consult with a pediatric neurosurgeon in Minneapolis.
YEAH RIGHT!!! DON'T PANIC?????
TOO LATE!!! We are already there!
No warning, no asking when can you make an appointment? No allowing for a few day's notice? We have a daycare to run, I have a job to go to! I used almost all of my paid time off a couple of weeks ago, when I was in the ER for a bad headache that would NOT go away for DAYS!!!
We go up to the clinic in Minneapolis. Only blocks away from our Alma Mater, North Central University. We visit campus, a bit. We reminisce a bit. We go to the appoimtment.
ReplyDeleteWe meet the neurosurgeon. We really like him, despite how calm and collected he is, and how minor he makes this sound!
Status updates are made on Facebook. One friend makes a comment, which is true, but wierd. "Isn't it amazing? Today, we think of it as 'only brain surgery'. Yesterday this would have been so much more!"
Now, first I want to fly to Chicago, and ring his neck, what an idiotic thing to say!!!
But I know him well enough, and he's right.
The planning is begun... When can you get back up here, we need to take care of it.
The surgery is set. I am off work, the day care is closed for awhile, and the other kids are all sent packing to friends and family.
I call the school, tell them I am not able to start yet, need to wait.
ReplyDeleteAs irony would have it, because I delay my enrollment, there is a new scholarship fund for persons who enroll as new students in Spring 2009. 25% tuition paid.
Small consolation, but was a reality.
We get back to Minneapolis for the surgery and get Jamie checked in...
The doctors meet with us, people start climbing out of the woodwork, prepping him, and we get to say our last words before surgery.
Surgery starts and the time in the waiting room is HORRIBLE! Time warp?!?! Seemed like a month or two! We try to read magazines and newspapers, get something to eat, but ARGH!
Dr Nagib, comes out afterward and tells us that all went well, and the surgery was done, and Jamie was in recovery.
We get to go see him and are shocked by the entry site. We completely misunderstood the procedure, and it was not a small hole created, to enter and extract the tumor. Stitches were EVERYWHERE!
We asked about this, making sure nothing went wrong, that they had to do more than initially anticipated. We were assured that this was as planned, and all went well.
We spent the next day or two in the ICU, and he had a horrible first 2-3 days. He was not responding like he should, and they were scrambling (at least it seemed like it, to us).
They couldn't explain why he was not regaining consciousness, and starting to talk again.
After reviewing the case, and medications, they determined that the post-op medications and his other medications were bad mixes. So, we stopped his other meds to focus on the post op, and recovery meds...
That was a huge step, as the recovery took buge steps forward, almost immediately.
He went from not eating and barely conscious to them sending us home in what was only a day or so!
We set a couple of follow up appointments, and headed home.
He stayed home for a couple of weeks from school before he returned.
We went up to Minneapolis at end of December, and he was cleared for resuming bowling league, PE, and mostly removed all physical restrictions as of January 2009.
This was great! We were so happy, and thankful for how well things went!
The semesters at school run on a non-traditional schedule.
ReplyDeleteFall semesters run from Aug to Feb, and Spring Semesters run Feb - July.
I enrolled in school, and took classes from Feb to May, taking the final class off. Between Doctor appointments and school, and work, I was in need of time off before the end of the semester. So, I still finished two classes in the Spring 2009 semester.
Then, almost done with summer break, and Jamie comes to me and says that he is having trouble with vision issues and headaches again.
We had a follow up appointment in April, and things were going great, and had another followup scheduled for August 2009.
We pulled up the appointment to July, and had an MRI done.
Our worst fear was realized. The tumor had regrown again!
I thought about taking fall semester off again, but didn't. It took awhile, as the doctors contemplated doing the surgery again, chemotherapy, radiation or a different surgery. "Radio Surgery", was the potential other surgery.
It was determined that the radio surgery was too risky and chemo was too. Radiation also was risky, but the lesser of the evils!
ReplyDeleteHe started 6 weeks (30 treatments) of radiation in about late August, early Sept 2009. It was finished in October. Thankfully, he had very minimal side effects to the treatment.
December 2009, he had his first follow up MRI, after the radiation treatment. We were reassigned to a new Pediatric Oncologist in Sioux Falls, instead of the one in Minneapolis.
The followup MRI was a mixed bag.
The MRI was not well done, and didn't have all the images they would like to have.
They indicated that they will still use it as a baseline for comparisons in the future to determine the tumor's status.
They also indicated that there was indication there may be spinal fluid in the area where the tumor was.
This didn't seem to alarm them, but said it was worth mentioning and something to watch.
I did some reading, and found that this is potentially not good. It can make him susceptible to infections such as meningitis, and other complications.
We can only watch and pray, and continue to protect and guide as we are given the grace to do so!
Next appointment for Jamie is supposed to be an MRI and followup with the Ped Onco, in April.
I can say that although the degree is wearing me out, and is a handful, I am SO thankful for it.
ReplyDeleteIt has been a great tool of personal growth and renewal. It has also been an excellent distraction from the frustrations and trials of the situations we have been going through with Jamie over the past year and a half!
I have had the privilege of reconnecting with old friends from high school, college and just places of residence who have been a great encouragment to us, and we have been able to share our story with!
I have found two friends from college years that have AMAZINGLY similar stories, as their families have had to fight brain tumors of various types, and each story is unique and each family has such a powerful story to tell!
Which once again shows God's word to be true!
Romans 8:28,
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
That can be hard to swallow, but in faith, and understanding (even as partial as our understanding can be), can start to make sense.
A friend sent me an email/facebook message, said that I am a "warrior"...
ReplyDeleteMaybe... but if so, I am so reminded of the song from Twila Paris, "THE WARRIOR IS A CHILD"!!!
As I mentioned earlier, last week was a tough topic in class.
ReplyDeleteWe were discussing Divine Healing.
This is not something that I like to talk about, because it is so misunderstood, and so easy to go to either extreme, dishonor God and one of his gifts.
We can either deny God still heals, or impose that God heals everyone of physical ailments.
Both are lies, and hurt people's faith.
This is one of those topics that humble me to no end. When battling through something like we are with Jamie, this is one of those times when I, a so called "Warrior" am definitely a child. Scared, and completely at God's mercy.
Ultimately, no matter what happens, we don't NEED physical healing. We NEED salvation. We are all sinners and fall short of salvation on our own. WAY SHORT!
I will pray for healing, because of many reasons:
1. We are told to.
2. Even if Christ didn't tell us to, it shows compassion and care.
3. It helps us get to know people, where they are at, and builds relationship through the fight against whatever it is that ails us!
So, even if prayer for physical healing does not result in someone's physical healing on this side of eternity, it can still be a success, and still build faith, as God brings people together in relationship!
New development with Jamie.
ReplyDeleteSunday morning, we had a nice suprise at church, as one of the staff members from Jamie's radiation treatment program showed up at our church.
She had been invited by some friends of hers who are fairly new to our church.
She asked how things were going, and if we'd had Jamie's follow up appointments for MRI and the local Pediatric Oncologist.
I told her that we had, but weren't comfortable with what happened and what was said.
I asked about what appear to be something "the consistancy of spinal fluid" around where the tumor was. I told her that this was said in passing, but almost ignored.
I told her I had done some reading after the appointment which this was mentioned. I said that it was concerning to see that if this was a "spinal fluid leak", this could make him more susceptible to various infections.
She told us that without looking at the MRI and radiologist report, there was no way she could make an informed comment.
This was gratefully acceptable, and a good honest approach. She said that she'd see if she could pull the records and get back to us.
We were also told that because there is not an in-network Pediatric Oncologist in Sioux Falls, if we wanted to find another one, in Omaha or go back to the one we started with after the surgery in Minneapolis.
It is nice to have choices there.
Now, the waiting game continues, but we have some more concerns being dealt with!
Got a call from Dr Erickson, who treated Jamie during the radiation process. She looked at the MRI, and wasn't able to really tell us much more than the Ped Onco did a few weeks ago.
ReplyDeleteShe confirmed that the MRI was not conclusive, and unable to really say anything at this point.
We went to the Hormone treatment Dr., Dr. Gupta. Jamie is falling away behind the curve for growth, especially height. We knew this, as he was standing next to several of his female cousins who are 12 years old, this past weekend at a family funeral and they towered over him!
He confided after the visit to see Dr Gupta this week, that he sure "hopes" that he isn't done growing.
They ran some tests and xrays to see how the hormone replacement therapy is going, and we are still waiting on those results.
At the end of March, we will have another MRI done to monitor the tumor, and we will be back in Mpls, on April 2, to meet with the ped onco up there, Dr. Bendel.
Can't wait to hear that this is over! Can it be? We can only hope in prayer.
Wow... It has been awhile.
ReplyDeleteAnother semester has come and gone.
A new semester is under way.
Dr Appointments for Jamie have come and gone, with additional follow up coming this month and next.
He has been doing good, despite some headaches and nose bleeds over the summer and past few weeks.
We contacted the doctors in Minneapolis, and they weren't concerned to the point that we needed to do anything ahead of the planned Sept and Oct checkups and followups.
So, this month starts a trip toward confirming where we are at. In April, we were told that his tumor was "melted" by the radiation treatment last fall. This was said to be the "best result" we could have asked for and expected.
There was some collateral damage, in that the pituitary gland was virtually destroyed by the treatment. Minor issue compared to a tumor. This is being treated with hormone replacement therapy.
So, regardless of the report this fall, continued health and healing, or recurrence of the tumor, God is still sovereign and we will worship him in all circumstances, (not FOR all circumstances, but IN all circumstances) for he alone is WORTHY regardless of what happens and what we are told by the doctors.